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All words and music copyright (c) Stephen David Austin.  All rights reserved

BEST EX I EVER HAD
THE BEST EX I EVER HAD
MOVED BACK IN WITH HER MOM AND DAD
IT’S KINDA HARD TO SEE HER GO BUT THEN AGAIN I’LL ALWAYS KNOW
SHE’S ONLY HAPPY WHEN I’M SAD
HER VOICE STILL ECHOES IN MY HEAD WITH ALL THE HATEFUL THINGS SHE SAID
HER MEMORY STILL LINGERS ON BUT I’M SO HAPPY THAT SHE’S GONE
THE BEST EX I EVER HAD

(CHORUS)
SOME SAY THAT WEDLOCK IS A PADLOCK, A SOCIAL STATE OF GRIDLOCK
WHERE DREAMS OF BRIGHT TOMORROWS FADE TO MUTED SHADES OF GRAY
IF SHE HADN’T TOTALED OUT MY CAR DRIVING THROUGH THE WALL OF EDDIE’S BAR
I COULD HAVE PACKED HER UP AND DRIVEN HER AWAY

A SHOEBOX FULL OF UNPAID BILLS
SOME PAKISTANI DIET PILLS
AND AN INCURABLE DISEASE WERE ALL SHE LEFT BEHIND FOR ME
GUESS YOU COULD SAY SHE KEPT IT REAL
SHE PUT ME HOPELESSLY IN DEBT
BY SHOPPING ON THE INTERNET
AND EVERY MAIL DELIVERY REMINDS ME THAT SHE’LL ALWAYS BE
THE BEST EX I EVER HAD

(CHORUS)
(solo)

SI QUIERES LA PERRITA, ACEPTA LAS PULGITAS
EL QUE NO TRANSA NO AVANZA, Y NO AMOR ES SIN DOLOR

THE TEENAGE KID WHO MOWS THE LAWN
SEEMS AWFUL SORRY THAT SHE’S GONE
IT’S KINDA FUNNY THAT THE MAN WHO TEACHES IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND
LIKED HOW SHE POLISHED HIS TROMBONE
ALTHOUGH SHE USED TO WARM MY BED
I’D RATHER SLEEP ALONE INSTEAD
SHE COULD BE JUST A MEMORY BUT IN MY HEART SHE’LL ALWAYS BE
SHE COULD BE JUST A MEMORY BUT SHE’S STILL LUCIFER TO ME
THE BEST EX I EVER HAD



HEROES AND HEROIN
AT A MOTEL IN THE DESERT
A MATCH LIT UP THE ROOM
BROWN BUBBLES BREWED AND COTTON COOKED
IN A BENT-BACK BLACKENED SPOON
THEN BLOOD SHOT UP THE BARREL
LIKE A ROSEBUD STRAIGHT FROM HELL
AND THAT NIGHT IN ANONYMITY
THE GRIEVOUS ANGEL FELL

(CHORUS) HEROES AND HEROIN, STARDOM AND MARTYRDOM
SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON A DULL, ACHING PAIN
RICH AND POOR, BLACK AND WHITE, IN TO THE ENDLESS NIGHT
THE STORIES ARE DIFFERENT BUT THEY ALL END THE SAME

ON NEW YORK’S UPPER EAST SIDE
OVERLOOKING CENTRAL PARK
THE YARDBIRD OF THE SAXOPHONE
FOUGHT DEMONS IN THE DARK
THE DORSEY BROTHERS STAGE SHOW
JUMPED AND JIVED IN THE BACKGROUND
ON THE NIGHT THE BIRD OF BEBOP
CAME CRASHING TO THE GROUND

(CHORUS)
(INSTRUMENTAL)

AT AN UPSCALE REHAB CLINIC
IN THE COUNTY OF MARIN
THE MAN THEY ONCE CALLED CAPTAIN TRIPS
WAS CLEANING UP AGAIN
HE LAID HIS HEAD AND CLOSED HIS EYES
ON A BALMY AUGUST NIGHT
AND THE GRATEFUL DEAD MAN’S LONG STRANGE TRIP
TOOK A TURN TOWARD THE LIGHT
(CHORUS)


THE CAGE
HIS COAT WAS TORN AND DIRTY AND HIS BEARD WAS LONG AND GRAY
HIS TWISTED THUMB HALF POINTED AT THE SKY
I’D BEEN DRIVING FOURTEEN HOURS WITHOUT ANY COMPANY
SO I STOPPED THE TRUCK AND OFFERED HIM A RIDE
HE CLIMBED INTO THE FRONT SEAT AND HE DID NOT MAKE A SOUND
I PRESSED THE CLUTCH AND PUT THE TRUCK IN GEAR
HE CLEARED HIS THROAT AND GAZED OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW AT THE GROUND
THEN LOOKED AT ME AND MUTTERED “FORTY YEARS”

(CHORUS)
THEN HE SAID “ANYTHING SEEMS POSSIBLE VIEWED THROUGH THE EYES OF YOUTH
REGRETS AND BROKEN DREAMS WILL COME WITH AGE
BUT ME, I’VE ONLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE THINGS I’D NEVER DO
FOR THE FORTY YEARS THEY KEPT ME IN THE CAGE”

HIS THUMB AND INDEX FINGER WERE A YELLOW SHADE OF BROWN
FROM HAND-ROLLED PRISON-ISSUE CIGARETTES
HE SAID A PLACE CALLED DUNSMUIR WAS HIS PREVIOUS HOMETOWN
AND HE WAS HEADING THERE, BUT HADN’T MADE IT YET
HIS LAST NIGHT OUT IN DUNSMUIR WAS FORTY YEARS AGO
HE TOOK HIS WIFE OUT DANCING ON THE TOWN
HIS WIFE WAS PROPOSITIONED BY A MAN SHE DIDN’T KNOW
SO HE GRABBED A CHAIN AND BEAT THE BASTARD DOWN

(CHORUS)
THEN HE SAID “SOMETIMES A MAN WILL DO A THING HE WILL REGRET
THANKS TO ALCOHOL, REVENGE, OR JEALOUS RAGE
ONE THING THAT I HAVE DONE IN LIFE I NEVER CAN FORGET
IS THE FORTY YEARS THEY KEPT ME IN THE CAGE”

(INSTRUMENTAL)

I DROPPED HIM OFF IN DUNSMUIR HE THANKED ME FOR THE RIDE
AND FROM HIS TONE I THINK HE WAS SINCERE
HE SAID “I HAVEN’T SEEN THIS PLACE SINCE 1965
AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW THAT I’M HERE”

HE HADN’T SEEN HIS WOMAN SINCE HIS SENTENCE WAS PASSED DOWN
BUT HE ALWAYS THOUGHT THEY’D MEET AGAIN SOMEDAY
HE SHRUGGED HIS SHOULDERS, GRABBED HIS PACK AND TOOK A LOOK AROUND
AND AS HE LEFT I THOUGHT I HEARD HIM SAY…

“REMEMBER, ANYTHING SEEMS POSSIBLE VIEWED THROUGH THE EYES OF YOUTH
REGRETS AND BROKEN DREAMS WILL COME WITH AGE
BUT ALL I’VE DONE IS THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I’D NEVER DO
FOR THE FORTY YEARS THEY KEPT ME IN THE CAGE”

“SOMETIMES A MAN WILL DO A THING HE WILL REGRET
THANKS TO ALCOHOL, REVENGE, OR JEALOUS RAGE
ONE THING THAT I HAVE DONE IN LIFE I NEVER CAN FORGET
IS THE FORTY YEARS THEY KEPT ME IN THE CAGE”


DANCE WITH NO PANTS
I WAS STRANDED ALL ALONE OUT IN THE HEART OF CALIFORNIA
I WAS WAITING FOR THE FOG TO CLEAR
I FOUND A SEEDY LITTLE DIVE OFF OF INTERSTATE FIVE
THOUGHT I’D STOP AND GET MYSELF A BEER
SHE HAD A RUNNER IN HER STOCKIN SLURRED A LITTLE WHEN SHE TALKED
SHED HAD A TATTOO OF A HEART ON HER NECK
SHE WAS DANCIN ALL ALONE NEXT TO A JUKEBOX IN THE CORNER
SHE WAS BOUNCIN’ LIKE AN OUT OF STATE CHECK

(CHORUS)-
SHE SAID THERE’S NOTHING MUCH TO DO IN THIS ONE-HORSE TOWN
BUT WATCH THE GAS PRICE RISING AS THE LIQUOR GOES DOWN
I NEVER WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD BE MY FATE
BETWEEN INBRED RELATIVES AND OUT OF STATE PLATES
BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE A CHANCE
AND DO THE DANCE WITH NO PANTS

WELL SHE SETTLED IN BESIDE ME AND A LITTLE VOICE INSIDE ME
WARNED OF SATAN IN A SUNDAY DRESS
SHE HAD BLEACH-BLOND HAIR, A NECKLINE DOWN TO THERE
NO ONE COULD SAY THAT SHE WAS OVER-DRESSED
SHE LICKED ME RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE SAID LET ME TAKE YOU TO A PLACE
ACROSS THE BACK SIDE THE PARKING LOT
THE STICKER SAID DON’T COME A KNOCKIN IF YOU SEE THIS VAN A ROCKIN
AND IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS ROCKED A LOT
(CHORUS)

WELL IT’S A MEAN OLD WORLD WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE
AND IT’S LONELY WHEN YOU’RE SEVEN HUNDRED MILES FROM HOME
AND THERE’S THE TIMES YOU HURT AND THE TIMES YOU BLEED
AND THERE’S THE THINGS YOU’LL DO TO GET THE THINGS YOU NEED

BUDGET INN OF BUTTONWILLOW WAS EMBROIDERED ON THE PILLOW
I WAS HOLDING IN THE MORNING SUN
SHE WROTE IN LIPSTICK MIRROR, IF YOU GET BACK AROUND HERE
IT SHOULDN’T BE TOO HARD TO FIND ME, HON
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO LOOK FAR, IF I’M NOT NEXT DOOR AT THE BAR
OR WAITING TABLES AT THE FLYING J
YOU ONLY NEED TO ASK AROUND AMONG THE LOCALS HERE IN TOWN
OR CALL 37 TWENTY TWO 08

(CHORUS)


BACK TO BAKERSFIELD
IT WAS 1937 WHEN MY GRANDPA LOST THE FARM
AND THE OKLAHOMA TOPSOIL TURNED TO DUST
SIX CHILDREN IN THE BACK SEAT AND MY GRANDMA ON HIS ARM
THEY WERE WESTBOUND IN A CHEVY BOUND BY BAILING WIRE AND RUST
MOM ASKED GRANDPA WHERE THEY’RE HEADED, HE SAID ANYWHERE BUT HERE
AS THEY WATCHED MCCURTAIN COUNTY VANISH IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR
BY THE TIME THEY HIT MCALISTER THEIR JOURNEY WAS REVEALED
THEY WERE LEAVING OKLAHOMA HEADING OUT FOR BAKERSFIELD

GRANDPA WORKED OUT IN THE OILFIELDS, HONEST JOBS WERE HARD TO FIND
WHILE GRANDMA KEPT THE HOUSE AND RAISED THE KIDS
THE CITY LIGHTS OF HOLLYWOOD NEVER CROSSED THEIR MINDS
AND THEY NEVER ONCE FELT BAD ABOUT THE SIMPLE LIFE THEY LIVED
THEY SETTLED IN THE SHADOWS OF THE PANORAMA BLUFFS
AND THEY NEVER HAD MUCH MONEY BUT THEY ALWAYS HAD ENOUGH
GRANDPA HAD A STEADY PAYCHECK FROM HIS LABOR IN THE FIELDS
AND THE KIDS WERE EDUCATED IN THE SCHOOLS OF BAKERSFIELD

I WAS BAPTIZED IN THE WATERS OF THE FRIANT KERN CANAL
THERE’S PESTICIDE AND OIL IN MY VEINS
BUT THE LIGHTS OF L.A. COUNTY PULLED ME DEEP INTO THEIR SPELL
EMPTY PROMISES THEY DREW ME LIKE A MOTH INTO A FLAME
SO I MOVED DOWN TO THE CITY WHERE THE FOLKS ALL DRESS ALIKE
AND THEY JUDGE YOU BY YOUR WALLET AND THE KIND OF CAR YOU DRIVE
BUT MY HEART AND SOUL ARE EMPTY AND THE GRAPEVINE CALLS ME HOME
I’M PACKING MY BELONGINGS AND TOMORROW I’LL BE GONE

NO MORE LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF THE GOLDEN STATE FREEWAY
WHERE THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY SEEMS A MILLION MILES AWAY
AND THE GRASS AIN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE HILL
YOU CAN KEEP THE L.A. BASIN, I’M GOING BACK TO BAKERSFIELD
KEEP THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, I’M GOING BACK TO BAKERSFIELD.



KANSAS AIN’T IN KANSAS ANYMORE
I TURNED ON THE TV,
I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW
SEEMS THE CRIPS HAVE TAKEN OVER
ON THE STREETS OF WICHITA
SOME GUY GOT GUNNED FOR HALF A GRAM
OUTSIDE A GOODWILL STORE
AND I GUESS KANSAS AIN’T IN KANSAS ANYMORE

BLUE STATES ARE APATHETIC
AS THE HEARTLAND LOSES HEART
AND THE F WORD ON AN OVERPASS
IS A LAME EXCUSE FOR ART
THEY’VE INSALLED METAL DETECTORS
AT THE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL DOOR
HELL, EVEN KANSAS AIN’T IN KANSAS ANYMORE.

I DON’T MEAN TO SOUND OLD-FASHIONED,
AND I THINK SOME CHANGE IS GOOD
AND DO I BELIEVE DIVERSITY
MAKES BETTER NEIGHBORHOODS
BUT I STILL BELIEVE IN RIGHT AND WRONG,
AND MAN I DON’T THINK IT’S COOL
THAT KIDS ARE DODGING BULLETS
WHEN THEY’RE WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL

IF YOU’RE DRIVING ‘CROSS THE COUNTRY
AND YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO SLEEP
THERE’S A TRUCK STOP NEAR TOPEKA
WHERE AN EIGHT-BALL’S PRETTY CHEAP
BUT THERE’S PARTS OF KANSAS CITY
WHERE THEY’LL KICK YOUR ASS FOR SURE
‘CAUSE EVEN KANSAS AIN’T IN KANSAS ANYMORE.



THE DAY BUCK OWENS DIED
THE RINGING OF THE TELEPHONE
IN MY MANUFACTURED HOME
STARTED EARLY, SO I STUMBLED OUT OF BED
AND THERE WAS BAD NEWS ON THE LINE
I KNEW THAT IT WAS CRYIN’ TIME
FOR MY OLD FRIEND, A MAN I’D NEVER MET

CHORUS-
HE WAS THE KING OF OILDALE
HE HELD A TIGER BY THE TAIL
WHEN HE LEFT US LOTS OF PRETTY WOMEN CRIED
AND I NEVER WILL FORGET
THAT MOURNFUL MARCH THE TWENTY-FIFTH
IT WAS THE DAY THAT BUCK OWENS DIED

IT’S A HARD AND ROCKY ROAD
FROM A SHARECROPPER’S ABODE
IN TEXAS NEAR THE OKLAHOMA LINE
TO THE COUNTRY HALL OF FAME
AND A ROAD THAT BEARS HIS NAME
BY A PALACE OFF OF HIGHWAY NINETY-NINE

(CHORUS)

ON THE NIGHT BEFORE HE WENT
HE WAS FEELIN’ KIND OF SPENT
HE THOUGHT MAYBE HE’D SKIP THAT EVENING’S SHOW
BUT A FAN FROM FAR AWAY
SAID SHE HAD COME TO SEE HIM PLAY
SO HE WENT OUT AND DID ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD

(CHORUS)



THE FAT KID
HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW KID THAT JUST CAME TO OUR SCHOOL?
HE’S NOT FROM CALIFORNIA AND WANTS US TO THINK HE’S COOL
HE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE WE DO AND HE DOESN’T DRESS LIKE US
HIS HAIRCUT’S OUT OF FASHION AND HIS MOTHER PACKS HIS LUNCH
AND HE’S A FAT KID… HE’S A FAT KID

WE DON’T NEED A REASON, DON’T NEED TO BE PROVOKED
TO MAKE THAT CHUBBY TUB OF LARD THE TOPIC OF OUR JOKES
IT’S NOTHING THAT HE SAID, IT’S REALLY NOTHING THAT HE’S DONE
HE’S JUST AN EASY TARGET ‘CAUSE HE WEIGHS A HALF A TON
HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID
LET’S DEGRADE HIM, HUMILIATE HIM
LET HIM KNOW THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF US
LET’S MAKE FUN OF HIM, LET’S ALL PUNISH HIM
MAKE HIM SIT ALL ALONE ON THE BUS

(chorus)
HE’S THE FAT KID, THE FAT KID, A LOSER AND A FREAK
A PACHYDERM PARIAH, A MESOMORPHIC GEEK
WE’LL CHEW HIM UP AND SPIT HIM OUT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT
SOMEBODY THAT WE HATE BECAUSE HE’S SOMETHING THAT WE’RE NOT
HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID

I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY DO THINGS IN THE PLACE HE USED TO LIVE
BUT OUT HERE BEING DIFFERENT IS A SIN WE DON’T FORGIVE
WE’LL HATE YOU IF YOU’RE BLACK OR IF WE THINK YOU MIGHT BE GAY
AND IF YOU TRY TO BE OUR FRIEND WE’LL HATE YOU ANYWAY
IF YOU’RE A FAT KID...AND HE’S THE FAT KID
WE’LL DEGRADE YOU, HUMILIATE YOU
LET YOU KNOW YOU’RE THE OBJECT OF SCORN
WE’LL MAKE FUN OF YOU, YEAH WE’LL PUNISH YOU
MAKE YOU WISH THAT YOU’D NEVER BEEN BORN
(chorus)
HE’S THE FAT KID, THE FAT KID, A LOSER AND A FREAK
A PACHYDERM PARIAH, A MESOMORPHIC GEEK
WE’LL CHEW HIM UP AND SPIT HIM OUT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT
SOMEBODY THAT WE HATE BECAUSE HE’S SOMETHING THAT WE’RE NOT
HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID

I THINK HE WANTS TO FIND A DATE FOR THIS YEAR’S JUNIOR PROM
HE’LL PROB’LY END UP GOING WITH HIS COUSIN OR HIS MOM
HE MENTIONED HE MIGHT ASK CHRISTINA, SUE, ELAINE, OR KIM
THEY’RE WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE AND THEY WON’T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH HIM
CAUSE HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID
THEY’’LL REJECT HIM, DISRESPECT HIM
CRUSH HIS EGO AND SHATTER HIS DREAMS
MORE THAN LIKELY DAMAGE HIS PSYCHE
TAKE ONE MORE NOTCH FROM HIS LOW SELF ESTEEM
(chorus)
HE’S THE FAT KID, THE FAT KID, A LOSER AND A FREAK
A PACHYDERM PARIAH, A MESOMORPHIC GEEK
THEY'LL CHEW HIM UP AND SPIT HIM OUT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT
SOMEBODY THAT THEY HATE BECAUSE HE’S SOMETHING THAT THEY’RE NOT
HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

HEY DON’T GO IN THE LUNCH ROOM, THE FAT KID FINALLY SNAPPED
HE’S GOT A PISTOL IN HIS LEFT HAND AND A RIFLE ON HIS LAP
SAYS HE CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND NOW WE’RE GONNA PAY
IT’S HIS TURN TO BE THE PREDATOR, SO NOW WE’D BETTER PRAY
FOR THE FAT KID…FOR THE FAT KID
I THINK THE FAT KID JUST OVERREACTED
CAN’T HE SEE WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN?
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK OUR BONES BUT
WE WALKED ALL OVER HIM AND NOW WE BETTER RUN
FROM THE FAT KID…FROM THE FAT KID
(chorus)
HE’S THE FAT KID, THE FAT KID, A LOSER AND A FREAK
A PACHYDERM PARIAH, A MESOMORPHIC GEEK
HE'LL CHEW US UP AND SPIT US OUT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT
SOMEBODY THAT HE HATES BECAUSE HE’S SOMETHING THAT WE’RE NOT
HE’S THE FAT KID… HE’S THE FAT KID



MYSPACE (IS MY SPACE)
PLEASE DOWNLOAD MY MUSIC, PLEASE COME TO MY SHOWS
PLEASE ADD ME AS SOMEONE THE PUBLIC SHOULD KNOW
PLEASE LAUGH AT THE PICTURES OF ME AND MY DOG
AND ACT LIKE YOU CARE WHAT I WRITE IN MY BLOG

CHORUS-
YOUR SPACE IS YOUR SPACE, MY SPACE IS MINE
PRETEND YOU LOVE ME, AND WE’LL BE FINE
THERE’S JUST ONE THING ABOUT MYSPACE THAT I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO SEE
MY SPACE IS MY SPACE, MY SPACE IS ALL ABOUT ME

A NEW NARCISSISM IS FLOODING THE WORLD
WITH HALF-NAKED PICTURES OF UNDERAGE GIRLS
THE MOOKS AND THE MIDRIFFS CAN GO NOWHERE FAST
WHERE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR ARE THINGS OF THE PAST
(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
YOU KNOW I NEVER LEAVE HOME BUT I’M NEVER ALONE
RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER SCREEN
SEARCHING MYSPACE TO CATCH A LOOK AT MY FACE
AND SEE IF ANYONE’S LOOKING FOR ME

(SOLO)

ALL OF MY TOP FRIENDS ARE BIG FAMOUS STARS
THEY MAY NOT KNOW ME BUT I KNOW WHO THEY ARE
AND IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME I THINK THAT THEY SHOULD
I MAY BE A TOOL BUT MY BAND’S REALLY GOOD
(CHORUS)





 
(Note- The music player at the bottom of the page can be enabled at any time to play full songs.)
All text, music, and images ©2011-2014 Stephen David Austin. All rights reserved